you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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