I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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