I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Too much gin, very little bucket
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The adults are the big ones right?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
