he wants to bone in the snuggie
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
