My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
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Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
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Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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