let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
