using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?