The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
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Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
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you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken