u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.