i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
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You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
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Sorry my hands just texted you
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle