There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
