Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
