You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i think my cat just said my name.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
