Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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