I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
