Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
