Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
