I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
