she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize