the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
