wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
