he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
