How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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