I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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