Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
