Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
