Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
