Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Randomize
