Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
