i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
