It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize