Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
