How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
