The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize