its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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