If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
