I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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