Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Jerry, you need to find god
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
