so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
