New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
