I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
