Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
