Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?

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(941): View more from Florida

still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break

Fav 9 4712 922
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I spit up blood this morning

(206): View more from Washington

That's vegas.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on

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(618): View more from Illinois

I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?

Fav 11 1570 3488
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(406): View more from Montana

As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"

Fav 8 3289 1153
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(620): View more from Kansas

Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.

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(408): View more from California

And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet

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(727): View more from Florida

The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.

(303): View more from Colorado

I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.

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