Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize