You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
