Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
