Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The uberlube is also flammable
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
