discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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