fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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