her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
