you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
