I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
