I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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