So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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