I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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