Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
