i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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