Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
