I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
