You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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