Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
