do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize